It was January, first date of the new year. Bryan seemed like a pretty cool guy. Our first date went well. We met out for dinner, kissed outside, then went to another bar to end the night. It’s hard for me to even remember the positives. We texted every day, he would visit me at work, I met his friends, and I spontaneously bought us tickets to a Bruins game… so I was really into him at some point. He initiated the first time we had sex, but I never saw him with his shirt off. It wasn’t good, but I was optimistic that it could get better.
I went away for February vacation and he said he was going to miss me. I didn’t think those feelings could happen after knowing someone for only a month. The day I returned we had planned to hang out, but he cancelled. I was pretty annoyed since that was the first time either of us bailed. After that everything changed. Four weeks went by without sex. My friends came up with every possible reason: he’s a porn addict, cheated, had an STD, is gay, taking antidepressants, lost his left testicle, whiskey dick… Whatever you’re thinking, I considered it. When I confronted him about it he said, “Really, it’s been that long?” The ignorance annoyed me even more. Guys always make an excuse, why couldn’t he give me one?
Four weeks turned into six weeks. It was awkward to even think about it. Hanging was became routine at this point; one weekday and once on the weekend. The lack of intimacy killed any sort of potential relationship. I knew I didn’t like him anymore, but found some comfort in the consistency. Anytime my friends asked about Bryan, I didn’t have anything good to say. When I recognized this I knew that I had to end things. I went to yoga one morning and pulled the “blank slate” intention card. Today was the day, but when I got to his place and he asked me what I wanted to do, I said “well, it’s cinco de mayo.”
Two days later I tried again. I started it with a text saying it was hard for me to bring this up in person, but I didn’t want to waste anymore of his time. He responded “what?” then called me immediately. After 45 minutes the conversation went nowhere. Bryan suggested we take a trip, hang out more, call out of work, said he’d come over and stay the night. There was so much negotiation on his end when I was trying to break ties, so I told him we could continue the conversation tomorrow in person.
I told him upfront I was not trying to make this work. He said I must have been sick. If it was really about sex, it could get better, we just needed to hang out MORE. Then praised me, “You’re so beautiful, I care so much about you, and I love you.” These words were nonsensical. I asked him two weeks prior if he even liked me. He said he was self-conscious about his body. When he asked how long I’ve been thinking about this (over a month) I told him I was planning to bring this up on cinco de mayo. He refused to believe that and said, “I saw the way you were looking at me on Sunday.”
He thought it was a joke when I walked out. Bryan came out into the hallway with a pout and asked, “Are you really leaving?” Then text me that his dog was looking for me out the window and waiting for me by the door. My guy friends laugh that he brought his dog into this. Bryan still continues to reach out through text, IG, and Snap. I’ve ignored every message. When will it stop?
Single at 30 